


Let's start all over again.

by HolyMakkirel



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, F/F, Healing, Mental Instability, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Rating May Change, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:14:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21572068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyMakkirel/pseuds/HolyMakkirel
Summary: after the events at albion, vira accepts gran's insistent proposal that she comes on board the ship. reuniting with katalina is good for her, she thinks, but she soon finds out it isn't.spoiler alert: actually, it isstory might stay at just these two chapters, but im also Kinda Interested™ in just writing vira healing by being around people. no promises
Relationships: KataVira, Katalina Alize/Vira Lilie
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30





	1. vira, feeling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fellow katavira clown alex](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=fellow+katavira+clown+alex).



> the fic takes place directly after the crew leaves albion. like the day after. it's based mostly on the anime albion continuity which isn't all that different from the game one apart from giving a much better perspective on vira imo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written from Vira's perspective. The first exchange is directly based on the one in the anime.

_“You’re still going on about that, Gran?”_

_“I’d like you to join our crew and travel with us.”_

_I paused. Albion needed me. I needed to fulfill my duties, for their sake, not mine, not hers. I needed to be the Lord Commander, not Vira Lillie._

_But she was right there… and she was so much better now. Maybe I, too, could become better, with them. With her. Surely that would help my people, as well, right?_

_“Well, how could I ever decline such a tempting proposal! It’d be a wonderful chance to reflect on things, and finally see everything I’ve been averting my gaze from until now. It would be an honor.”_

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thinking back on it, I realize I may have spoken too soon. I wanted to come, truly; to see the skies, to learn what it was like outside my own head, to teach this guardian spirit about the world, and, yes, to be with her. But I didn’t want _this._

We sat together for breakfast today. We talked the whole time, about the time we’d spent apart, and I could feel myself getting ever so slightly less resentful every time she mentioned the people she’d gotten to know.  
But then she walked away, to train with that old marksman. Why wouldn’t she train with me? Why would she choose someone so much less suited to her fighting style? What did he offer her that I didn’t, that she would subject me to hearing “goodbye” leave her lips again? 

_That_ is what I didn’t want.

I saw her, again, later. She was with the helmsman, and the child. The blue haired one. They were laughing along, like a family. They looked happy together. She looked so happy… just seeing her smile almost made me put on a grin of my own.

But it didn’t. Why didn’t it?.. What happened to me, in those six years, that I once threw myself from her life to see her smile and was now sad watching it happen?.. I realized, then, that I changed. Or maybe I’d made that realization long ago, and was only pretending we could go back to how things were, because the person I’d become was just _so_ selfish. That was it, of course. How selfish could I be? I knew that she was better now, that she was happy, and I inserted myself back into her life after it had gotten so much better without me. It was no wonder I didn’t deserve her. I suppose this was my punishment.

_That_ is what I didn’t want.

And then came dinner. She was sitting there, alone, before anyone else had arrived. She waved me over like we were at the academy again, and we shared our meal in solitude for a bit. Even if it wasn’t something I made for her, it was divine, because I was sharing it with her. We laughed, and smiled, and then the footsteps came.

The boy and the dragon. The woman with the flowers. The marksman, the helmsman, the mage child, and then _her_ . The blue haired girl. They all came to the table, excited to see her, and some even seeming excited to see me. _How dare they?_ How dare they pretend I belonged here, in their little family? This was her’s, and there was no room for me in it. I didn’t belong in it. I knew that, and in her perfection, I knew she knew it too. Yet these bumbling idiots, they had the gall to force me into it, out of _what?_ Pity? Shame, at their decision to bring me on board? Whenever they tried to speak with me, I could barely muster a response, and I could _feel_ the conversation falling apart around me. I was ruining the atmosphere, for the whole crew. Worst of all, I was ruining it for her.

_That_ is what I didn’t want.

So, sitting in my room now, I’ve realized this was a mistake. This is no place for me to grow. This is no place for me to reconnect with her. This is no place for me. The people here are kind, selfless, considerate, understanding… they bring her joy, and I bring nothing but a burden to others and stress to myself. First thing tomorrow, I tell the captain that I do not wish to stay, and I leave. I go back to Albion, and I try to stop being so resentful, selfish, uncaring, dense,

“Vira?..”


	2. just like we did back then

Hearing the pacing through the door, Katalina entered to find just what she’d expected: Vira, walking in circles, hands having absentmindedly crept to her face as she was lost in her own thoughts. Quickly, Katalina came up behind her and threw her arms over her shoulders.

“Vira? What’s the matter? Is something wrong?” Ever since the trip to Albion, Katalina knew that Vira would need help. Help from her. Help fixing the problems she lead to, with how she treated her six years ago. 

_Oh, right._ Vira’s thoughts had paused for a moment from the surprise of sudden company. _This was her room. After all we’d been through, she asked for me to room with her, and here I was breaking down in it._

“Oh, Katalina… I’m so sorry. I threw myself into your life, convinced myself this would be good for me, but... I don’t belong here… with these people. I don’t fit in with them. I don’t fit in with _you_ , anymore.” Her speech bordered on crying, only further evidenced by the glossy layer of tears forming below her eyes. “You’ve found people better than me. Your life is happier now without me in it. I shouldn’t be so… willing to force myself in, just making us both unhappy for it.”

Vira expected sadness. She expected Katalina to be annoyed, angry, upset with her, for bringing all her problems into Katalina’s life and throwing them at her ears unprompted. 

But Katalina only held her closer. Because of _course_ this was prompted; Katalina expected nothing less, when she asked if Vira was okay. She was fully aware that these years would have left Vira with such issues, and fully prepared to help her shoulder their burdens. And so she spoke.

“Vira… there is no one ‘better’ than you.” She pulled away from the hug to face Vira head-on, looking her straight in those teary eyes with a warm smile of her own. “No one here is your replacement. No one here is going to play the role in my life that you play, that I _want_ you to play. Yes, of course, I have other people, but it’s not because they’re _better_ than you… it’s because they’re _different_ from you.” She pulled the hairs that had fallen over Vira’s forehead away, tucking them behind her ears. “Tell me. Who do you think you’re forcing yourself in over?.. Who do you feel like you’re imposing on?..”

“I… Well… the marksman. You left me this morning, for him… I thought we were going to train, like we used to.”

“Eugen? We train together because we fight differently. We can teach each other how to fight people specialized for different ranges.”

“Then, the helmsman, and the girl… You looked so happy with them. They made you happier than I ever could.”

“Vira… that’s not true. Neither of them give me what you give me. Rackam… he’s like a brother to me, and to Lyria. And Lyria is like my baby sister! Spending time with the two of them is fun because it’s… it’s like having someone to help shoulder the burden of caring for her.”

“But I want to help you shoulder your burdens! I want to give you what they give you!” Pulling away ever so slightly, Vira nearly dislodged Katalina’s hands from her shoulders, quickly throwing her own hands up to hold against the back of her palms and secure them. _You should let go. I should go. Please don’t let go. I don’t want to leave you._

“Vira.. I don’t want you to have to shoulder those burdens for me.” Noticing the hands on her own, Katalina pulled in closer to ensure the stability of her grip. “Of course, yes, we _will_ shoulder each other’s burdens, but… you don’t need to be what anyone else is. I only want you to be yourself, Vira Lillie, someone who can stand on her own two feet for her own sake. No more sacrificing. Not for me. Not for anyone.” 

“B-But…” Sniffles were beginning to overtake her. “Why would you need Vira Lillie?.. How does my selfishness help you?..”

“Oh, Vira… you don’t need to help me. I don’t need to need you. I _like_ you. I _want_ you, in my life. I don’t want you to replace Eugen, or Rackam, or Lyria, or anyone else in the crew. The way I feel for Vira Lillie is not how I feel for anyone else. No one can replace that, and that isn’t supposed to replace anyone.”

“But… your life is so complete without me, and mine is so empty without you. That cannot be acceptable…”

“Well,” Katalina paused, questioning her words quite carefully. “No one’s life is ever truly _complete_ , Vira. You just feel happy when there’s enough in your life to satisfy you. And you can always be happier, even when you’re satisfied. You make me happier.” Her smile made it clear just how genuine she was, but it softened ever so slightly as she continued. “But… you can’t _require_ anyone as a minimum to be satisfied. It’s not healthy. Not for you, and not for them. No matter how happy they make you, it’s essential that you aren’t dependent on them.”

Vira’s eyes drooped. There it was. The scolding, the admittance that Katalina was tired of her, the recognition that she was simply awful. She braced herself for it, for Katalina to continue.

“I’m sorry I encouraged it.”

_Huh?_

“I’m sorry I validated your desire to sacrifice for me. I’m sorry I allowed you to devote your happiness to mine that way, to let you turn out like this. I should have stepped in earlier.” Katalina began to choke up. Vira waited for the thoughts to flood her, the thoughts that called for self-flagellation after making Katalina cry. But they never came. She was awestruck.

“I promise, I’m here now. I’m not leaving. So long as you want me to be here for you, to help you, to give you the relationship we want from each other… I’d be honored to do so.” Katalina pulled away ever so slightly, hanging her head as she awaited a response. “Is that okay?..”

Vira’s eyes betrayed that her mind was shutting down. Too many thoughts, bouncing around, immobilizing her as she processed them. They flashed, accompanied by a small gasp as she snapped back to place, and in an instant she stepped closer and took Katalina’s hands into her own.

“Yes. Yes! Of course, yes!” That same passion that she’d shown so many times came over her again, but this time filled with joy instead of obsession. “I.. I never knew you felt that way, Katalina… I’m sorry too, for letting things get this way. I… I can be better. I know I can, even without your help, but… I would appreciate it if you gave it to me.” She spoke so confidently, despite not being fully sure of what she said, because she was beyond sure that she _wanted_ the words to be true. “I accept. A hundred, a thousand times, I accept. Thank you.”

A warm smile and soft giggles overtook Katalina. “Thank you, too, Vira. I know we can fix this. I know we can make things better. So… thank you, for wanting to try.” She stepped back falling backwards to sit on the edge of her bed, not caring that she was in her loungewear rather than a pair of pyjamas. Her grip on Vira’s hands never loosened, so she now looked up at her with a grin as the two held close. She couldn’t bring herself to speak, but Vira’s words took her own straight from her mouth.

“Do you… remember, back at the academy? The rule neither of us ever cared to follow?..” Vira’s red eyes fluttered anxiously, as if fearing rejection just off the simple question.

“I do. It was the only thing we never stopped getting in trouble for… such a strict ‘no sleepovers’ policy, but we could never quit. The beds were far too small for two.” Katalina freed one of her hands, just to pat the mattress beneath her. “The beds on the Grandcypher aren’t much better, unfortunately.”

All the fear had left Vira’s voice. “Well, that’s no problem… we’re used to it, aren’t we? Sharing beds that are far too small…”

“Yes, I suppose we are.” Katalina pulled away, pulling the blanket aside and laying down on the bed, rolling over to the far end. She faced away from Vira, as if inviting her to fill the small in her back. Vira looked back for a moment; they’d brought another bed into the room, just so she would have a space to sleep. It would go unused that night, as she tucked in behind Katalina and wrapped her arms around her, kicking a leg over her hip as she buried her face in her hair.

“Goodnight, Vira.” Katalina turned her head up, as if expecting something.  
“Goodnight, Katalina.” Vira, in turn, lifted herself up ever so slightly, just enough to place a soft kiss on Katalina’s lips. The two fell into silence for the night. Neither would fall asleep for quite a while, nor would they speak. They didn’t want to leave the moment, but they didn’t want to ruin it either.

As she drifted off to blissful slumber, Vira had one last thought in her head.

_Oh._

_This is what I wanted._


End file.
